Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize