does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
