whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
