wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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