So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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