btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
