trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
