I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
