I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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