ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
