the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
