Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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