finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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