just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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