Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
