Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
