hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
