My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
