One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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