Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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