just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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