Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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