You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
