She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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