the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
