i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
