We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
