is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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