just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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