I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
