I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
