the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize