I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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