first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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