Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
