if you like me you must not know who I am
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
