Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
