new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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