Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We have started to decorate penises.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
