Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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