gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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