Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
