Moan for me like Helen Keller
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
