I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
