We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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