I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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