So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
