I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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