4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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