what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
