A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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