i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
