So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
