No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize