Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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