What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
