God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
