You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
