Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
