I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When are your genitals available?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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