I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i think i have two assholes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
