Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
