i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
