So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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