just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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