drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
