THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I need water and some morals
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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