Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
