I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
